Last week, I had the privilege of speaking with a group of talented young professionals at one of the big four accounting firms.  The room was filled with a lot of high performers who are still in the early stages of their greatness.  We talked about ambition, burnout and that ever-elusive topic: 

BOUNDARIES.

Someone asked, “How do I set boundaries at work without looking like I’m not a team player?”

Great question. 

Here’s the truth most people don’t want to hear:

You don’t build a fence on day one. You introduce yourself first.

Let me explain.

The Backyard Fence Problem

Imagine this.You move into a new neighborhood. First morning, you grab a coffee, look across the lawn, and see your new neighbor heading out with the recycling.

You stroll over, extend a warm handshake, and say:

“Hi, I’m Ivan. Great to meet you… also, I’m putting up a ten-foot fence between our houses. Construction starts at noon.”

That’s not boundary-setting. That’s a hostage negotiation.

In work—and in life—too many of us do the same thing. We read a thread on Instagram about ‘protecting your peace,’ or listen to one podcast on self-care. Suddenly, we’re telling our boss: “I don’t answer emails after 5:00,” before they even know our last name.

Boundaries without context feel like barriers. Boundaries without credibility feel like excuses.

First, Build Your Brand

Before you put up the fence posts, you need to establish something far more important:

Trust.

Your new colleagues must see—clearly, consistently and undeniably—that you are:

✔ Committed
✔ Accountable
✔ Capable
✔ Someone they can count on

When your brand is solid, your boundaries are interpreted as maturity, not entitlement. They’re seen as structure, not stubbornness.

When your reputation is shaky or new?

Well… your fence looks like you’re hiding something.

A Real Story: The Assistant Coach Who Tried Too Hard

Years ago, I hired a young assistant coach—smart kid, eager with big dreams. On his first week, he asked for a meeting.

“Coach,” he said, “I just want to be up front. I don’t work weekends. Sunday is my ‘self-care day,’ and Saturdays are for my rec league.”

Meanwhile, I’d noticed him show up late twice, skip a team workout because “traffic was heavy,” and nearly lose the team van keys. He hadn’t even unpacked his office yet, but he wanted to negotiate his fence line.

“Listen,” I told him, “I love that you know what matters to you, but boundaries only work when you’ve earned the right to set them. First, show me you’re invested in this team. Then I’ll help you build a system that supports your life outside it.”

To his credit, he stepped up. He became reliable. He hustled. He grew, and six months later, when he asked again to protect some personal time? No problem. In fact, his new fence proposal protected both the team’s needs and his own. Instead of asking for no weekends, he asked for Sundays until 5PM year-round, but long weekends (Friday-Sunday) during his off-peak season to make up to his family for the strain during the peak.

He’d built trust. His boundaries demonstrated common sense and loyalty to his work and his personal life.

The Research Behind the Fence

Organizational psychology backs this up.

A 2022 study from the Journal of Applied Psychology found that employees who establish credibility before asserting boundaries experience:

• higher perceived professionalism;
• more managerial support; and,
• better long-term work-life balance.

Meanwhile, early boundary-setting—before a track record is visible—often triggers the opposite: skepticism and reduced trust.

Translation? Credibility first. Boundaries second. Just like any well-built fence, the foundation matters.

Boundaries Should Protect Both Sides

Leadership isn’t about walls. It’s about clarity.

When you communicate your boundaries clearly and at the right time, they:

• prevent misunderstandings,
• reduce resentment,
• create predictable rhythms, and
• make you someone others can rely on. 

When you set them too early or too aggressively, they feel like a slam of the gate.

Like any relationship—be it neighbors, teammates, colleagues or partners—you build trust first. You show up. You contribute. You plant roots.

Then, when the time is right…

You build that fence…that has a gate 😊.

A solid, respectful, mutual boundary--the kind people admire—not the kind they gossip about.